Dear kitchen
appliances, utensils and cookware,
I would like to
apologize. I realize that I don't always use you in the proper manner to which
your directions state. You see, some of you are greater than you think and are
capable of functioning for more than only a single purpose.
Coffee Grinder, I
am aware that your function is to shatter and break apart those beautiful,
dark, aromatic beans, which give my brain the fuel it needs to cope with life.
However, what you may not be aware of is that you can also mince fresh rosemary,
thyme and sage to perfection. This makes you multi-talented. Be proud of that
fact.
Chef's Knife, you
are my love, my one and only, my partner in crime, as well as, my partner in
perfection. To you I say thank you. You have never let me down. Thank you for
standing by my side and being my go to guy who is able to cope with any task
that I throw your way, whether it be cutting through carrots or cutting through
bone. Thanks for always being up to the task and staying sharp. I have nothing
to apologize to you for.
Cast Iron
Skillet, you are another wonderful multi-tasker. The things you can do make my
heart sing. The way your perfectly seasoned pan glistens with oil and the way
you cause the cornmeal mixture to jump and bubble is nothing short of
godliness. I also love your heft. The weight of you in my hands lends me your
godliness. That muted thunk and then the crunch of his skull was music to my
ears. Thank you for lending me your strength.
Stock Pot, I
realize that you are meant for making stocks, but now I will use you for a
batch of stew. I know you always hated how he hurt you, scratching your beautiful
bottom with that rough scrubber sponge. So tonight I shall feast and you will
taste his brains long before I do.
Thank you my
darlings, for being so kind to me. I sincerely apologize for his mistreatment
of you. But it's all over now.
Love,
Chef J
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